The Day I Found Out I Was Pregnant
As I officially start my THIRD trimester today I thought what better way to celebrate then to relive the start of my first, the day I found out I was pregnant. I hope you enjoy the read!
February 28th 2016
Today I found out I was pregnant... With my pants around my ankles, sitting on the toilet. My reaction was 100% not what I thought it was going to be.
For some odd reason I thought, hey I am a day late, I doubt I am pregnant but let’s just see. All while my husband left about 5 minutes prior, so wouldn’t now be the best time? Seriously what was I thinking?
I always wanted a family ever since I was a little girl, some might say I was naturally maternal. Once I met my husband it just escalated that urge. Having a partner that I love so fiercely made me want his children, a piece of both us. End of October I got the notification that my birth control pills were ready at the pharmacy and I just looked up at Dan and said, yeah nope I am not going to get them, and that was it. We both had discussed wanting to start a family and in typical male fashion Dan was very methodical about it and wanted to make sure we were more settled and had our ducks in a row. Do you ever have your ducks in a row though? Life's t0o short to base this decision off of reason. I felt like in this moment we were allowed to make an emotional decision, the one time in your life I would recommend going off of your emotions and not reason. Yes it was horrible timing as my husband wasn’t working but I thought for sure it would take longer than it actually did, which would explain my husbands reaction when I told him the news of “I told you so”, granted he did :)
So there I am, pants around my ankles saying oh shit…., that can’t be right. I looked at Bob, my dog, at that moment hoping he would be my advisor in this situation. Much to my dismay he had no reaction at all - useless. I thought it must be wrong so I needed to take a 2nd test. The first time around I barely had any pee to work with so for the second round I needed to drink a lot, immediately. I was so nervous and pacing that the idea of peeing was just not happening. Finally I did the whole process all over again, yup pregnant. Still convinced I should check again I decided to shower because maybe that had something to do with it, not sure where I got that idea from. To my surprise 2 more pregnancy tests later I was staring at 4 positive pregnancy tests. Yup, I was pregnant.
The first few hours was a state of panic and pure shock, yeah def shock. As I video chatted with my mom curled in a ball on the couch in my robe trying to figure out how this happened so quickly and her not being surprised at all, typical mothers. I thought how am I going to tell Dan? Her wise words were “What did you think was going to happen?”. Dan is a natural stressor and at the time he was unemployed and handling it like a champ so telling him made me a little nervous. We had always talked about this but still, it was real, it was happening and I had no idea how he would react as my reaction was so opposite of what I thought mine would be. I did have one thing on my side which was that I was 100% sure of the fact that he would be a fantastic father.
I knew he was going to be home soon so I figured I would clean the apartment really well because that makes him soooo happy he will be in a great mood and he won’t notice when I tell him (crazy I know). I also decided to put the onesie he bought at the Masters last year on the coffee table as the “conversation starter”. Of course, he comes home, plays with bob and goes what is the onesie doing out here. I looked at him as he sat on the couch, sat right next to him and said “so…. I am pregnant”. The conversation went something like this:
Dan: You’re fucking kidding me (excuse the language here but both myself and Dan have potty mouths)
Dan: Yes, you are
Me: no I am serious. (Once he realized I was serious we both just stared at each other in this state of disbelief. I kept waiting for him to be angry for some reason but his anger never came, of course, he was actually smiling the whole time. He knows he is going to be a great dad, he’s built for it and at the end of the day, we wanted this)
As I wrapped up my speech about how he can freak out as I had 3 more hours before him to do just that I realized I had errands to do and Sunday to do’s to get around to. He seemed fine, so I looked at him, kissed him and said “Do you need anything at the food store?” then left him in the apartment.
Obviously, once I had a second to realize everything I ever wanted was coming to fruition I couldn't stop smiling. I still can’t smiling. Looking back at the situation I realized where my frantic behavior came from. I wanted this soo bad I was essentially waiting for the other shoe to drop. I couldn't believe I was getting something that I had always wanted yet it all seemed so easy, and aren’t things you want to happen supposed to be harder to attain? I will say this, I have never been more certain about anything in my life. I was supposed to have THIS baby. I can’t fully explain it but this whole pregnancy feels like a dream, yes I have had my rough moments as most pregnant women do but generally it has been amazing and I feel high half the time (yay hormones!). I am convinced that It all ties into my gut feeling that this baby was 100% supposed to be, cheesy I know. I just can’t wait to meet her!