4 Months In Review
4 months ago my life was forever changed. Now I have a new life, for the rest of my life. It’s not just a new apartment or a new job which are the average changes we all go through. This is permanent and life altering- in all the best ways.
Now that I am finally sleeping and have some of my brain back. I thought what better way to celebrate 4 months then to take a look back, pause and reflect? They say you get amnesia about all the newborn difficulties so putting this down hopefully will be a nice reminder :) I had a rough 3 months which caught me off guard and was hard to wrap my head around. Once I started sleeping more I realized that I was having mild anxiety during those 3 months. The past month has been SO much better. I am having a blast with little miss Charli and feel like I have a little bit of myself back again.
The first month is what I know realize was the adrenaline fueled high month. I was running on adrenaline and high on this new found love for my baby girl. Tired? Psh not anything I couldnt handle! C section recovery? Eh I powered through it - due to my stubborn nature and refusal to be perceived as weak. I couldnt stand the fact that I would have to rely on someone else to get me my child so I did it myself and had two days at home of high intense pain. I would say that would be my biggest suggestion to fellow C section mommies. Power through it and keep moving. It will help in the long run to make the recovery easier for you.
Looking back I see how little Charli did yet I was so enamored by those “little” things. Staring at her all the time and memorizing her features, which honestly at this point are so un pronounced in comparison to what she looks like at 3 months. As the weeks went by and my mom went home I slowly started to come off of my high and come back to tired earth. It was Thanksgiving morning and my husband left for the gym and I just sat in the living room crying over how utterly exhausted I was. It was like all the exhaustion from the weeks prior were crashing down on me, it was bound to happen. Once I let out all my tears, I assume I did what all mothers do. Suck it up and move on. I think it was the first “mom” thing I did.
You really do join a club when you become a mother. No one can possibly understand what you are going through unless they are a mom, and in my case, especially my own mother. We always shared a close bond but after having Charli we became even closer. I became more needy as well (sorry mom). I called her everyday and texted her NON stop about everything. I honestly was slowly losing my mind and she was there to help me through it, never once telling me I was doing something wrong or right, just guiding me in the direction that suited me and my mommy lifestyle. I now see that all moms are just doing what they are doing to survive, what works for one might not be suited for another. Just do what is right for you and your family!
I really struggled the first three months with the lack of sleep (like most moms do) but it was more about the lack of control I had over this little being. I am naturally a control freak who likes to have ALL the research and knowledge out there to make a plan and tackle all problems head on and efficiently. Well, with a baby that is basically impossible. So here I am everyday thinking about Charli sleeping. I drove myself crazy about her sleep and sleep patterns. It started with her reflux and keeping her inclined while she slept because I could tell she was uncomfortable then the to swaddle or to not swaddle then the bedtime. I hate how much power we have over their “bedtime”. How do you know what time is a good time for bed?! Now I understand when people say it all falls into place. I regret not doing more research before Charli was born because in my sleep deprived state I was over googling and driving myself mad.
I moved her to her crib around 11 weeks because I just couldnt stand listening to her every move and it was making me even more tense. For me, moving her was the best decision I could have made. It allowed me to sleep comfortably for the few hours I was getting. Now, at 14 weeks my little angel is sleeping pretty much through the night due to my accidental sleep training. After doing all my research about all different styles of sleep training and routines etc., I took all that information and formed my own plan. It’s a little bit like the Baby Wise method mixed with a whole lotta everything else :) I noticed that one night when she woke up she wasnt really crying but whining and I was so tired I just let her and what do you know, she fell back asleep! She did it another time that night and once again fell back asleep. I also made a rule that “morning” was not until 7 AM so I refuse to get her before then unless of course something is wrong. Now she sleeps from 7:30/8 till 7/7:30 AM and I am celebrating. This obviously isnt perfect uninterrupted sleep but it is a ton more sleep then I was getting to begin with. I feel like a HUMAN again and most importantly I feel like myself again which in turn makes me feel like a better mom. I no longer need a morning nap and I can actually manage to cook, and maybe even watch The Bachelor. I could not have made it through the first 14 weeks without my mom and the other moms out there who listened to me cry, complain and ask for a shit ton of advice.
I still stress about her sleeping and her nap schedule as well and when she coughs or sneezes or does anything for that matter ha. It’s the mom thing, we worry… all the time! At least now with all that worry comes a whole lot of fun. She smiles all the time and hearing her laugh for the first time is something I will NEVER forget. I am also convinced that baby laughs can make the coldest of souls turn warm. Its a privilege to be able to witness someone go through their life of firsts, yes they will be highs and lows but getting to see it all and shape a person is an extraordinary gift. Every night before I go to bed I can’t wait for the next day just to be able to see what new thing she will learn or experience.
Here are some of my favorite photos from the past amazing 4 months!